My Husband Tells Me I'm Beautiful and I Believe Him

I'm very blessed. Let me just start with that.

     I have a hard working, fun loving, Christ-like  husband who tells me that he loves me and that I'm beautiful every single day and I believe him.

 But I didn't always.

     When we first started dating and early in our marriage, heck , even up to just a couple of years ago I would often brush off his compliments or more often even, I would have a rebuttal for them. To give an example, here is how a conversation would go (and sometimes still does if I'm not careful.) between us.

Husband: You look beautiful today, Love. (Love is one of the only acceptable pet names for me. I hate pet names.)

Me: Yeah right. Do you see this hair? Worked on it for 15 minutes and it still looks like a greasy bundle of straw.

Husband: ……. so what's for dinner?

        Over the course of our relationship I have suffered from a severe chronic illness, a miscarriage, 2 full term pregnancies, breastfeeding 2 children for a minimum of 9 months each , and my oldest child being diagnosed with first  food allergies, then asthma, and finally ASD all within the first 2 years of his life.

    My weight and generally my self-esteem  have fluctuated with each and every one of these events and my Cuddle bear of a husband has been there every step of the way telling me how beautiful I was, am, and will continue to be to him.

      Even when I was covered in blood, sweat, tears or unmentionable horrors coming out of our children. Even before, during and after giving birth. Even the numerous times I've been incredibly sick. Even when I didn't act or feel beautiful he would tell me 

                      "You are so beautiful. How did I get so blessed?"

I can't tell you how many times I've told  him he was full of you know what.

                                And one day I was convicted about it.

        I realized that my husband deserved better than that from me. He deserved better than a wife who doubts him when he says something that he feels is true, even if I may feel differently at times.

    I am not beautiful to everyone. I never have been and never will be. Everyone has their own preferences and definitions of what beautiful is and it's impossible for every person in the world to fit every other persons idea of beautiful and I'm okay with that because I'm beautiful to my husband and that's enough for me.

       I realized  that if it wasn't good enough for me that I was beautiful to my own husband then it would never be good enough.

    He is the person God gave me that I'm able to share my heart and soul with. He wants what I want and cares for me more than all others in this life. I value his opinion above anyone else in this whole entire world and yet I doubt him when he tells  me he sees me as beautiful? How does that work? I'll tell you, it doesn't.

       I don't doubt him when he tells me that he loves me or that I'm the best Mom for our boys, so it wouldn't make sense for me to doubt him about this either.

       So I made a shift in my thinking. I made a conscious effort to say "Thank you" instead of telling him he's full of it. I try harder to compliment him in return.

      I fail miserably but I'm making an effort that I've never made before and it's gonna take time to change a deeply embedded habit but I will continue to work towards being the Christ centered woman that he deserves as his wife.

Thank you Lord for this precious man of mine and help me continue to believe him when he tells me I'm beautiful.

8 Things We want the people we love to know about being an Autism, Asthma, Food Allergy all-in-one Parent

We're back! Finally! We took a little break over the holidays but hopefully our posts will get a little more regular now. Here is our first post of the year. Hope you guys enjoy.

1.  We like getting invites. Parties, get-together's, baby showers, cook-outs. But, unfortunately more times than not the answer will be "No." from us. PLEASE do not stop inviting us. This life is very isolating as it is and those invitations and phone calls are sometimes the only things that keep us connected to the friends and family that we love but often can't see because of a plethora of reasons on any given day. We realize that friends and even family members have been put on  the back burner and that hurts everyone involved but know that we miss you and we won't be in this stage of life forever.

2. We are as new to this as any of you are. We had limited contacted with the special needs community before our son came along and we are still learning as we go. I'm pretty sure we will never stop learning.  Therapies, techniques, tools and schedules are ever evolving for us so we will always have something to talk about when it comes to his care. We want to involve you if you would like. We would love to teach you simple sign language and calming techniques. Just ask and that brings me to my next point.

3. Never be afraid to ask us questions. If something we say confuses you, you don't understand an abbreviation, you're concerned about how he's progressing , you want to know more about how we communicate….ask us. We are not people who get offended easily. Unless, you are blatantly mean, we will be more than happy to answer your questions. If you are blatantly mean, I will be more than happy to put you in your place J

4. Yes. We are still firm in our faith. We believe that we need Jesus. Facing challenges in life does not and should not draw us away from Him,  rather it shows us how much we need Him in His entirety every single day. We went through a short phase of the "why's? what if's? how comes? and why me's" but I believe that is the process that everyone goes through when there is unexpected change in their own lives and those around them. We found that our answers were  "Because I have a plan. Nothing else matters now. Because I have a plan and last but not least, Because I have a plan." We don't know what God's plan is for our lives or our sons life but we know that whatever it is, He will use it to His glory.

5. Raising a special needs child is not a bad thing. Have your heard me say the word "different" or "challenging" enough yet? Well, it's true. We face different challenges and have different schedules and we eat different foods. Different is not less. Different is not worse. Different is great. Our son is great and we are happy with our life. Do not feel sorry for us.

6. No. We are not overreacting about his food restrictions. Food allergies are not "all in your head" . He will not be okay with "just one chocolate chip cookie" and Yes, his reactions are that bad. Also, no he is not allergic to some of the things we restrict such as sugar, food dyes, soy and beef but they have a drastic effect either on his Asthma or his behavior. Also, he is okay with not knowing what cheese tastes like or a pecan pie or a regular birthday cake. With his sensory issues, he probably wouldn't eat those things even if he could.

7. Being in public is our personal hell.  Not because we are worried about others so much but about how overwhelming it will be for Big. I do not care if people stare at us while we do what we have to do to get through a grocery trip. Again as long as you keep your mean or hurtful thoughts to yourself, we are good. I'm going to let you in on something that I'm unsure a lot of you know. When you have sensory issues like our Big does, you hear everything, see everything, smell and taste e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. There is no blocking out background noise or ignoring that scratchy spot on the inside of your shirt. Bright lights are brighter and more distracting.  Could you hold it together with that much bearing down on you? Imagine all of  that in addition to being a small child who has difficulty processing speech and has delayed emotional coping skills and you are in for one hell of a trip to grab some toilet paper or if you would like to go out and eat something that isn't homemade.

8. We are no more special than the parent next to us. Every parent struggles. This, Parenting, is the hardest thing you will ever do in life. Raising a child to be a healthy, happy adult who does good in the world is our goal as I like to believe it is for most. There are a lot of things that go into not making your kid an a-hole and all of those things weigh on all of us every day. We have coping mechanisms just like every other parent.  My husband has online gaming.  It gives him some of the social aspect of life that we miss out on a lot of the time and he gets to stab things. Win-Win.  I on the other hand am a compulsive planner and organizer. There are few things in our life that I feel like I have full control over so I sketch new ideas for the backyard, set up a spread sheet for garden planting for the next year or build a compost bin, and I make to-do lists. For me, looking forward makes the challenges of the day seem smaller and they weigh less on me. I can't keep looking forward if I'm too obsessed about the past.

     We hope this gave a little bit of insight into us. We also hope it has opened a door for further communication, not just for our family and friends but for anyone who may happen to read this.