Our Autism Journey-Part I

The Beginning 

Our beautiful boy was born  May 12, 2012 at 11:14 pm via emergency C-section at 37 1/2 weeks. He was 8lbs 1oz and 20 1/2 inches long. We named him Charlie Drew after both of our Fathers. We now lovingly call him Big Trouble because that's what he is. 
He was everything we ever dreamed of having. 
He had 10 fingers and 10 toes, 
Blue eyes, reddish-blonde hair and all of the chubby little baby rolls you could stand.

He was perfect.

Everything was wonderful.

 Like any new mother, I meticulously researched milestones and development. I read book, news articles and statistics. I had facts about facts about facts.

We were told over and over how alert he was and how he was just so curious.
 He was a quiet baby but I was told his Daddy was too.

He smiled, reached, grabbed. He rolled and crawled and was so quick to learn everything that he wanted.
 It was great. He was great. 
We had our little family and it was perfect.

I kept at my Mom's house with his cousin, Miss Sassy, when they were small and at around 9 months I started to notice a few things that he wasn't doing but she was excelling at.

I knew he was quiet but next to her, he seemed nearly silent.

 I was told that boys talk later. Nothing to worry about.

I tried putting it from my mind but something told me this was more than a boys will be boys kind of thing.

 The next thing I noticed was pointing. Or rather the lack of it.

 We thought that putting his arms out or reaching for a toy was the same or good enough but other babies his age were pointing,
 as in, 
looking at something, pointing at the object, then looking back at whoever was with them and making it clear what they wanted and that they wanted it NOW.

Big didn't do that. 
In fact he rarely looked  as if he were relaying information or wanting me to understand something he wanted.
When he looked, he would just smile and move on.

I got up the nerve and said something to my husband.

 He innocently brushed it off.

Even at our 9 month check up when our Pediatrician asked us about some of his milestones, I felt like I should say something but we were being encouraged from all sides that he was great. 
I felt silly.
 So, I stayed quiet and my husband told her about how well we believed he was doing.

Our child was perfect. 
So what if there were a few things he did differently or hadn't done yet. 
All babies are different.

Everything is fine.

I heard a version of that sentence for 3 months.

"He's fine"

"Everything's fine"

"You're just a worried first-time Mom"

 "He seems great to me"

"Boys just develop slower"

 and on and on and on.
 For 3 months.

In the midst of these worries, we were also dealing with very frightening allergic reactions to food and the seemingly inevitable diagnosis of asthma.

So for me to add yet another worry on top of the very stressful existing problems we were already having made me look

…..well…..

 like a crazy  overly worried first-time mom to be honest.

Then, I started noticing even more things than before.

He had a hard time coping with things that others his age were doing fine with.

He hated the way certain clothes felt.

He rejected certain textures of food or if something sticky got on him he would all but have a breakdown.

All of these can be written off as normal development but all of them combined turned them into red flags waving in gale force winds to me.

He started flapping his hands, rocking his body back and forth, chewing his clothes and hands and sometimes his arms to the point of leaving teeth marks.

He wasn't responding to his name. Loud noises that should scare small children didn't faze him. He needed constant contact and rough play. He was always spinning in circles and looking for different textures to feel. He wouldn't meet my eyes.

I was sad and scared and felt alone and a little like I was losing my mind.

I remember asking God "What do I do? This is the baby that I begged You to give me for 2 years and now I feel like I'm failing him and You. You trusted me with him and now I'm failing You. Lord, what should I do?" and he gave me peace and understanding and most of all strength.

I now know why God gave me the stubborn tenacity that plagued my parents when I was a child. It was for this.

So I could handle this.

So, I didn't give up. I couldn't ignore this. I heard the brush off's and denial but I knew something was missing. When other babies were starting to say "Mama, Dada, No, Want"  Big was just starting to Coo and babble. It was time to get someone on my side.

I did what most people would do in this age.

I went to the internet. 

 I Googled the things that I'd noticed and  "Autism" kept jumping out at me.

I have a cousin with Autism, so even though I hadn't spent much time with her, I had heard some of the things that their family had to work with and challenges that she faced.

 I saw similarities but nothing that screamed "YES, YES THIS IS WHAT IT IS".

I found youtube videos and searched for some of the things he was doing and I found my answer.

I don't remember the name of the video but It was titled something like " Before our diagnosis" .

 It was a little boy a few months older than Big.

He was spinning and flapping his hands. His Dad was talking to him, shouting his name, banging pans and honking horns but the little boy never looked up.

He acted like there was nothing else in the world except the top n his hand.

 I saw my son in that video and I cried my eyes out for the rest of the day.

My husband got home and I showed him the video.

 I told him what I was seeing.

I told him at our 12 month check up that we were going to talk to his Pediatrician and see what she thought.

 I cried as I told him that I knew it was hard to accept but if we just ignored it, it would be so much harder for Big in the long run.

 I knew the sooner we got started on this path, the better.

He agreed wholeheartedly and told me that he was behind me with whatever we needed to do.

And that's where we were by Big's  first birthday.

We were beginning to accept that whatever was happening would happen whether we ready for it or not and that it was best for everyone, especially Big, if we all went forward with faith and optimism. And that's exactly what we did.

.........To be continued in Part II